Coarse jesting or completely innocent?

Sitting down with a group of my friends and the conversation was light as we all caught up with each others news. As the conversation went from the superficial to the meaningful, an old habit we all had before came back, to play itself out in the group dynamics. We all started with a bit of light bantering but it soon became a little malicious.
Reflecting on the evening, I realised that the whole event was not the greatest. I asked myself at what point does friendly become harsh? What is it in us that wants to pick on someone?

When speaking to Petua about it later she reminded me of this verse.

Ephesians 5:3-4 But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.

This verse hit me right on the nose, why is it that we find making fun of someone or picking on someone so humorous? Is it because it's a sin? Is it because it's something to make us bond together?
I don't think that we have to put someone down or step on someone to bring us together as a group of people. 
If we as Christians really desire to follow Gods' word and follow his example we need to continually check our behaviour against his.

Now, the phrase that really struck me was 'coarse jesting'. What is jesting? And what is coarse?

A little research uncovers this from the dictionary.
Coarse, the second definition really hits home, it is lacking in fineness or delicacy of texture, structure, etc. Lacking in fineness, wow, could I really be lacking in fineness? What does a joke look like that is lacking in fineness?
Jesting leaves little room for negotiation. The first definition is a joke or witty remark; witticism.
The second points a big accusatory finger at me and my friends - a bantering remark; a piece of good-natured ridicule; taunt. All of a sudden the things I have made fun of in a jest suddenly became not so cool.
Why does the bible speak out against course jesting? Why is it listed right up there with uncleanness and filthiness? I think the motive behind the words are the key. Jesus said that we are to give an account for every word we speak.

Mathew 12:36 But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment.

Every word? That is hard to conceive of, God is going to sit there on Judgement day and make me accountable for every word that I spoke over the course of my life.
If that is true then that day is going to be very long.
I now cast my mind back to my early days of being a young boy and a man, and thinking about all those foolish words that I spoke to all those people that meant nothing to me. I remember those words I spoke to get the attention of me and belittle someone because of a physical characteristic or what they did or didn't have. A school mate who smelled, the boy with the limp, the girl with the birthmark, etc. James warns us that no man can tame the tongue.

James 3:8 But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. 

Does that give us an excuse to say and jest and belittle whoever we wish? Surely not?

Mathew 19:26 But Jesus looked at them and said to them, “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

Romans 8:31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

I think that we can with Gods' help tame our tongue, let us Men and Women of God arise and be of good report and tame our tongue so that we may stand before God and give a short report for our idle words.

Share with us a time when you said something that meant nothing to you and later found that it hurt someone.

Signing off,

Peter